The elephant fills the entire room on days like today, squeezing out thoughts of anything else. I forgot just how difficult the side effects of chemo are on Dennis. One of the hardest parts is not being able to make it all instantly better, to be able to make the pain go away.
It is impossible to ignore the elephant in the room on days like today. Even though it tries to take up all of our breathing space, we find the space in our hearts to change our worry into wonder, our fear into excitement, our sadness into happiness, and this time of turmoil into a time of peace.
It's just that some days the elephant seems bigger than others.
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So you're starting another round. Hold 'er steady with your nose into the wind. That's why buffalo do better in winter storms than cattle; cows turn tail and endure a longer time in the snow and cold. How do I know that? It's the only thing I remember from the military's mid-90s voyage into whatever fashionable management training was making its rounds. Today the same stuff is called Six Sigma. I'm avoiding my company's "S-S" training requirement for as long as possible. That image of the staltwart buffalo was good enough for me. Makes sense, and I'm sticking with it!
ReplyDeleteJust keep facing the wind.
Fellow Scooper and Scout,
David Super
Hi Bec - Ed's anniversary for his heart surgery is tomorrow... not sure how it's relevant but it seems it somehow. I remember having a ringing in one ear for about 5 days afterward, I was so stressed out. I was just trying to get through it all. I didn't have the space to recognize how difficult it was - on so many levels. Watching a loved one go through so much pain and standing by powerless. I'm glad Dennis seems more relaxed this time and is using the meditation tapes. Congrats to him. Congrats to you on the blog... it continues to fill me with awe, perspective and compassion.
ReplyDeleteFor those of us on the outside, it's like trying to see around that damn elephant, to remember that you are a loving family first, and dealing with illness second.
ReplyDeleteI miss you all and look forward to time together with you later this week.
I feel a bit as you described, wanting to make it all better instantly. To say you are in my heart is a feeble shadow of how I feel for all of you.
Love, El